can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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