Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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