Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
