Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
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