Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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