My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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