i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
