Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
