Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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