she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
