I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
