Ambien. No doubt about it.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
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but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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