I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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