If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
