On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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