Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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