He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
