So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Drake has all the answers
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
