like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
