Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
