i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
