dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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