Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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