I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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