I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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