when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
