Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
