One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
