I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
