I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
