I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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