I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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