How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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