...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
