I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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