Already got asked if we're dating
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
is that a dick in a sweater?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
