Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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