I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
