Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
