Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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