You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'd cum for enchiladas.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize