I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
