Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
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With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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