she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Will exercising make me less horny?
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