I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
