It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
