Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
