p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
