at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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