I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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