Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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