i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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