hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
