yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
