Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
