i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
