woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
