Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
