So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
